Masih tentangmu..

Minggu,  10 Juni 2012

01:26 AM

Untukmu Dari Hatiku 

Suara gitar mengalun pelan namun indah

Mengisi setiap jengkal bis kota yang tengah kutumpangi

Langit agak gelap dan jalanan ibukota seperti biasa, macet

Angin sore berhembus menerpa wajahku yang termangu

menghantarkan sayup sayup lantunan lagu yang dibawakan oleh seorang pengamen jalanan

Ia menyanyikan lagu lagu yang sederhana namun indah

menyanyikan dengan segenap hati

dan menyuarakan emosi

Mendengarnya..

hatiku menjadi sendu dan gelap

semacam dinaungi atap besar yang tak bisa kusingkirkan

mengandung sepercik emosi dan segenggam harapan

harapan akan kebahagiaan

harapan akan cinta yang tak bisa kuraih

Pikiran ku melayang

menjelajahi setiap memori dalam otakku

memutar kembali waktu waktu dimana aku merasa bahagia, sangat bahagia

Bibirku menyunggingkan seulas senyum

Namun mataku berat dikelilingi emosi yang membuncah ingin meledak

Indah namun pahit

Otakku lelah memikirkannya

hatiku jera karena terus menantinya

langkahku kaku tak bisa lagi mengejarnya

Kupejamkan mata sejenak,

mencoba melupakan segalanya

Bahagia, sakit, pedih, serta rindu bercampur menjadi satu

Indah..

Aku..

Mencoba tegar menatap ke depan

Mencoba kuat memikul beban hati

Dan mencoba tegas melangkah kembali

Maaf karena bayangan senyummu masih menjadi sarapan di pagiku yang sepi

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind, images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never ever forget these images, no

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot try the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?

Goodbye FRIEND !

I touch my heart and feel it start to crack

I guess this is how it feels when the guy you love, doesn't love you back

Hari terakhir gue bbman sama dia itu hari Senin tanggal 14 Mei 2012. Ga banyak yang kita omongin, karena kita udah tau posisi masing masing. It hurts me. Setelah tau kalo dia udah balikan dengan mantannya lagi, hati gue bener bener gatau gimana bentuknya. 

They say to love someone is to wait for him, but i also need to love myself by knowing when to walk away. 

Denger dia cerita tentang pacarnya bikin gue ngerti kalo selama ini gue cuma berharap satu hal yang gak mungkin. Entah dia pura pura bego atau emang dia bego beneran deh. Secara dia pasti tau kalo gue pengen banget sama dia. Dan dia cerita tentang pacarnya ke gue. Rasanya itu kayak pas beli kue sus mahal, ngentek, sakit, dan ga bisa diungkapkan. Fffffuuu.

It might be hard to be lovers
But its harder to be friends
Because everything says we should be more than we are
We are not strangers anymore

So go on, get on with your life
I'll get on with mine
Just let the wind blow us
To wherever it takes we are suppose to go

When we're older
The memories fade

But i know i'll still feel the same

Until i find someone special who is waiting for me out there

Thank you so much hey idung !
I'm really happy because everything start with you

Biarlah semuanya berjalan seperti biasanya dan seperti yang seharusnya. Biarkan matahari kembali bersinar, burung kembali berkicau, dan rumput kembali bergoy... okey cukup. Haha. Hidup gue akan berjalan normal kembali. Pasti. 

You are magical

It was Saturday, April 14, 2012

I don't know why i'm scare. Even i just re-write this conversation, it's taken me so long to let my doubts go. Remind me of the last conversation that we did. The sweetest one.

Him : "Makasih yaaaa ☺. For today, yesterday, and maybe next day. Yaaah mulai. Senyum senyum ga jelas baca bbm aku. Grogi ?"

Gue : "Makasih kenapa?"

Him : "Jangan loncat loncat tapi yah :p. Makasih atas keputusan kamu masuk ke hidup aku. Ini bbm di read tapi ga ada yang bales. Grogi ? Melting ?"

Saat itu gue setengah sadar setengah kesurupan, panas dingin, dag dig dug der daia, dan jari gue kaku ga bisa mencet keypad. Seneng, bahagia, semuanya. Gue heran kenapa dia selalu tau kalo gue grogi sampe mau mampus atau melting karena semua bbm dari dia. Jadi ga bisa jaim gue. Rese.

Him : "I've looking so long at these pictures of you. That i almost believe that they're real. I've been living so long with my pictures of you. That i almost believe that the picture are all i could feel. -Picture Of You- The Cure."

Gue : "Tengkyu idung ☺. Waaaaa makasih banyak ! Sumpah aku kayak orang gila sekarang"

Him : "Haha. I can't say anything. Or bring you something. I hope you can feel this, my desire. ☺"

Gue : "Stop kasih emot smile gitu"

Him : "Kenapa dah ?"

Gue : "Kamu yang kasih aku yang senyum jadinya"

Him : "Ini aja yah :*"

Gue : "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i'm going to die"

Him : "Cause you driving me so crazy. Let there be love -Oasis-. Download dan dengerin. Buat kamu dari aku. Just remember i'll be back at your side so let there be love ☺"

Hari itu kita ngobrol banyaaaak banget. Dari mulai becanda sampe janjian mau nonton (lagi lagi gak terwujud) sampe ngomong serius. That was a day that we did the sweetest conversation for last time. Gue gak mau berlebay lebay ria, cuma gue seneng banget hari itu. Yah walaupun diakhiri dengan pembicaraan yang kurang enak. But it was the best feeling that i've ever had. Lagi lagi untuk kesekian kalinya gue mau ucapin terima kasih banyak buat dia.

Him : "So don't go away, say what you say but say that you'll stay. Cause i need more time, yes i need more time just to make this right. -Don't Go Away- Oasis."

Life's too short to have a regret. So say everything that you want to say. Maybe it's difficult to say, but more difficult to regret. Don't wish on a star, reach for one.

You don't need to ask me to stay, because i've already here beside you

You said that you need more time to make this right

i'm nineteen years old, and i still have eighty years on my hand

i'll waste it all for you

My life is not perfect

but when you're with me, it's pretty damn close

Are you always this charming, or am i just lucky ?

To you I may never be more than a friend  

But you'll always be special to me 

Isn't it amazing how a person who was once just a stranger suddenly meant the world to you ?

For You

Banyak kata kata yang sebenernya pengen banget aku ungkapin. Tapi ga pernah bisa, aku ga pernah berani. Semua mengalir dengan sendirinya. Terlalu banyak hal indah dalam diri kamu. Aku bahkan ga bisa sebutin satu satu. Pokoknya terima kasih banyak.

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you want the same for me

Itu kenapa aku selalu berusaha bikin kamu ketawa tiap kita bbman

biarpun aku harus ceritain hal yang menurut aku malu maluin

tapi aku seneng karena kamu ketawa setelah denger cerita aku

Your smile is a gift for me

it works like a magic

bring colour to my life

and bring happiness to my heart

Kamu mungkin ga pernah tau gimana senengnya aku dapet "PING!!" dari kamu

atau sekedar dapet bbm yang isinya cuma "Hey"

Semua itu beneran bisa ngerubah mood aku selama seharian

i won't ask you anything

or hoping for something

just say you will stay here beside me

and promise me tomorrow starts with you

Terima Kasih buat kamu :)

Melted again

6 April 2012

Him : "Walau jarang bbman sama kamu tapi tiap bbman ketawa aja. hehe. Ketawa aku ga aku buat buat tapi bener senyum aja ga tau kenapa. Bersyukur ada senyum meski datang selalu telat di tiap hari."

Gue : "Aku ga tau mau bales apa." -pingsan-

Beneran gatau mau bales apa. Sekarang pun gue bingung mau ketik apa lagi. Speechless. Sumpah. Kalo ada kata kata yang maknanya lebih dari arti 'bahagia', gue bakal ngomong itu. Karena semua ini bener bener bikin gue lebih dari bahagia. 

Adele - One and Only

You've been on my mind, I grow fonder every day
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face
 
God only knows, why it's taken me so long
To let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I've been on your mind
You hang on every word I say
Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,
You'll never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

Rain and Rainbow

Him : "Thanks for coming in my life and make my day like a rainbow"

Gue : "You call me a rainbow. Then, i call you a rain that makes the rainbow come."

That was Sunday, April 1, 2012

The day when i realized that i can't take one more step towards you again. 

Bikin ga bisa tidur !

Sabtu, 17 Maret 2012

Gue : "Tidur yuu dung,"

Him : "hehe yauda yuu. Aku ngantuk juga. Besok bbm duut sayang."

Gue : "Yaudah ayo tiduuuuuuuuuuur"

Him : "Yauda ayoooo hehe. Goodnight sayang, eh dut :p haha"

Gue : "Aaah"

Him : "Why ? gugup ?"

Gue : "Bikin ga bisa tidur !"

Him : "Hahahaha. Yauda bobo yah SAYANG :*"

Gue : -mati-

Waktu udah nunjukin jam 2 pagi kurang 6 menit. Mata gue yang tadinya ngantuk minta tidur, jadi seger lagi gara gara dia. Dan gue ga bisa tidur sampe pagi. Untung besok hari minggu. Hahaha. Emang bener bener deh.  

Baby, please don't go
If I wake up tomorrow will you still be here?
I don't know if you feel the way I do
If you leave I'm gonna find you

Mike Posner - Don't Go

This is my "lotiboy" !

5 Maret 2012 ☺

Ngasih ini tapi lagi lagi ga bisa ketemu. Alhasil gue nitip ke temennya.

Biar ga ketemu tapi tetep seneng banget. 

Tetep aja bikin orang panas dingin, gemeteran, bikin orang kacau. 

hahaha aneh ya ? Gue juga ga ngerti kenapa reflek badan gue jelek banget kalo udah menyangkut hal yang beginian. Gatau kapan gue bisa bertingkah anggun, manis, atau kalem di depan dia. Wahaha

  

☺ Semoga yang gue kasih bisa bikin dia tambah semangat deh ! ☺

Belajar bersyukur

Dia mengajarkan satu hal yang sebelumnya ga pernah gue sadari dalam hidup. Bahwa hidup kita itu indah. Bahwa hidup kita jauh lebih beruntung dari mereka yang kurang beruntung.

Belajar untuk bersyukur. Dalam keadaan apapun, baik susah maupun senang, belajar untuk lebih menghargai hidup. Gue jadi malu sendiri, udah seringkali ngeluh dengan kesibukan gue. Ataupun seringkali males untuk menjalani rutinitas sehari hari. 

Him : "Jangan pernah mengeluh dengan apa yang kita punya."

Loti Boy dan Es Clim

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Him : "Aku traktir kamu es clim kalo udah gajian,"

Gue : "Kalo gitu aku traktir kamu loti boy"

Seneng banget waktu gue bikin perjanjian itu. Itu berarti gue punya kesempatan untuk ketemu sama dia. Yeaaaay ! Walaupun kenyataan nya, itu perjanjian ga terwujud dan ga akan pernah terujud. Wahaha.

Sampe sekarang pun gue masih senyum kalo inget hari itu. It is a sweet memories, isn't it ? ☺

 

Morning Blush

Him : "Pagiii :D"

That was February 20, 2012. And it was the first time.

Satu hari itu gue senyum ga abis abis, ga berenti berenti. Bahkan gue rela ngasih tempat duduk gue di bus buat ibu ibu karena suasana hati gue lagi gembira. hahaha

It just one word. But it makes me smile and happy for a day !

Hujan

Gue baru turun dari bus pas hujan bener bener deras. Kehujanan. Gue langsung naek angkot yang menju ke arah rumah dengan baju yang setengah basah. Biarpun gue seneng hujan, tetep aja namanya hujan itu basah. Bikin ribet kalo turun hujan gak tepat waktu. Huehehe

Gue turun dari angkot dan langsung lari masuk ke perumahan. Hujan nya gak berenti juga, makin gede malah. Gue baru  sadar kalo dari tadi bb gue begeter. Sambil jalan gue periksa bb dalem tas, banyak ping ternyata. Pantes begeter.

Him : "Dut jangan kehujanan ya"

Gue senyum terus lari cari teduhan. Niat gue untuk nerobos hujan langsung urung. Gue jongkok di depan ruko kosong deket perumahan. Masih tersenyum. Hanya satu ping dan empat kata yang dia tulis bikin gue bener bener amburadul. Haha. Kacau.

"There are words that work like magic. You'd be amazed at what they do."

There is no reason

16 Februari 2012, pukul 21.49

Him : "Apa sih spesialnya aku?"

Jujur gue bingung, ga ngerti, gatau harus jawab apa. Baca pertanyaan kayak gitu bikin gue deg deg ser, walaupun akhirnya gue tetep jawab pertanyaan dari dia. 

Me : "Susah kalo diomong, itu semua dirasa. Jadi bukan spesial karena kamu baik, karena kamu keren, atau karena yang lainnya. Tapi spesial ya karena aku ngerasa kamu spesial. There is no reason ☺."

Gue berusaha jawab sejujur mungkin, karena emang itu yang bener bener gue rasa. Gue ga pernah mau untuk ngebohongin perasaan gue. Gue ga bilang yang gue rasa adalah cinta atau sayang, karena emang belum sampe pada tahap itu. Tapi apa yang gue rasain sekarang ya dia memang sosok yang spesial di mata gue. 

Kadang orang suka mendasari rasa suka atau cinta dengan hal hal yang indah. Karena dia cantik, karena dia baik, karena dia ganteng, karena dia kaya mungkin, hahaha. Tapi bagi gue, itu adalah hal yang gak masuk akal. coba bayangin kalo suatu hari pasangan kita dapet musibah yang bikin  dia ga cantik atau tampan lagi, bikin dia bangkrut atau bahkan jadi jahat. 

Masihkah kita suka atau cinta sama dia ?

Gue ga jamin. Karena apa yang bikin kita cinta sama dia udah hilang. Suka, sayang, atau cinta sama seseorang ga pernah butuh alasan. Ga pernah butuh kata "kenapa" dan "bagaimana".

"Sit quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass will grows by itself"

Mereka tumbuh dan bersemi dengan sendirinya. It is magic, friend ☺

I'm too afraid

Him : "Aku mau ketemu gt ngobrol. Bisa gak ? Tapi jangan gugup kamunya."

Pertama kali gue baca bbm dia, kepala gue langsung pusing. Ternyata gue masuk angin. Haha bukan ! 

Gue gugup, ampir gila. Apa apaan sih ni ? Masa cuma baca bbm aja sampe jantung rasanya mau keluar. *lebeh

Tapi bener gue gugup, gemeteran, takut. Bukannya gue gak mau ketemu, mau banget sebenernya ! Cuma gue takut akan bertingkah bodoh saking senengnya. Gue takut mulut gue kaku ga bisa ngomong. Argh gue benci dengan keadaan gue yang gampang nervous.

Dan malem itu gue bbman sampe gue dan dia ngantuk dan tertidur. Kalo aja semuanya bisa kayak gini terus, wouldn't it be perfect ? 

It was Wednesday, on 15 February 2012. A day after we've met for the first time. ☺

James Blunt - You're beautiful

My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high,

And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

one step closer

14 February 2012

Gue ga akan pernah bisa lupa gimana senengnya gue saat liat bbm request dari dia. Teriak, loncat loncat, dan bibir yang senyum selebar lebarnya !

It's like a dream come true ! sangat indah..☺

him : "hey makasih banyak loh. kamu kejutan banget. makasih udah ngebuat selasa ini indah. today i feel very very amazing. bisa ga ketemu lagi. kapan gitu"

Entah kaget, seneng, gemeteran, panas dingin, dan apalah itu saat gue liat chat bbm. Yang gue inget saat itu cuma waktu yang udah nunjukin jam 11 malem lewat 3 menit. 

Gue ga bales saat itu. Diam. Tangan kaku, speechless. Dan gue guling gulingan di kasur.. 

Memang mungkin keliatan aneh. Tapi itu adalah perasaan terindah yang pernah gue rasain. 

You're amazing. You're the best and perfect God's creature ever. ☺ 

Happy Valentine noname !

that was Tuesday, on February 14, 2012

pertama kalinya gue ngeluarin semua keberanian gue untuk dia. dia gak kenal gue, begitu juga gue. sama sama asing, sama sama bingung, sama sama bodoh. 
hahaha but that was a great first impression !

life is all about moments of impact and how they change our lives forever. 
-The Vow-

and i do believe that theory :)